Freedom of Self Expression

Kids these days! What can you do with them??

Self expression has become a passion near and dear to the hear of almost every teenager I know. But how much is healthy and where should we, as parents, draw the line until they are old enough to make their own decisions.

Simple stuff like odd colored hair and wild makeup are, in most respects, not a problem. Unless of course they happen to be looking for a job somewhere. I don't know about some of you, but I live in a small southern town where blue or green hair is going to be a major NO-GO factor for landing a job. Teenagers say, "Bunch of stuck up old foggies." and strike out for bigger parts when they get a refusal for employment.

But how much of that are we contributing to that attitude by allowing them to experiment on their hair and makeup without restraint?

I for one, think it's great that my daughter likes to dye her hair different colors. The blue and pink streaks she puts in it looks great on her and I don't see anything wrong with it. However, in her search for a job, she's found out that not everyone is as accepting as she'd have hoped. In fact, I think the major blow to her ego came and a wedding just recently where she was told that her hair in all it's blue glory was 'ugly and looked like shit'.

I was pissed. It hurt her feelings, it was uncalled for at the time, and the woman that said it had no regard for how she made my child feel. The rebel in me at the time almost went home and had her dye MY OWN hair blue just to make a point and dare her to say something to ME abou it. There would have been a fight and that would have been unwanted drama, so I stuffed down my ego and let it go. That didn't stop the fact that she was being an ass about the whole thing. I regret that I didn't, but I didn't. And I'll leave it at that.

But hair dye and makeup aside, when is it time for the parent to put their foot down and say no? And when does 'no' actually MEAN anything these days anyways? Odds are if you tell your kids no, you won't do it for them, then they're just going to go out and get an older friend or sibling to do it for them anyway, so it's a lose lose situation there. For the most part, my kids respect what I say and realize that there's usually a reason behind what I tell them I don't want them to do.

Granted sometimes I have to explain it and break it down into the basics. Compromise has been a wonderful thing in dealing with my kids though. I made a deal with them and I think it's something that most parents should think about. Piercings are ok, and if they get tired of them, they simply let them grow up. Gauging piercings is not because that, like a tattoo is going to be there forever. Hair grows back, grows out and can be recolored when it does, so hair dye is a non issue. Makeup washes off.

What brought this on you wonder? Well, a friend of my daughter's just came over to the house and she dyed his hair blond. It looked GREAT on him! And then they dyed it blue which would also look great on him. However, this kid, wonderful and smart as he is also lives with the woman that made the derogatory comment about my daughter's blue hair. It's not his mother, but she's taken him in and given him a home when he felt he had nowhere else to go.

I wondered what would happen when he went home with blue hair since she hated my daughter's hair so much that color. None of them had thought of that, so now they are in the process of removing the blue from his hair and once again making it blonde. Why? Just so he will still have a place to live and he doesn't have to hear her bitch.

I hate it for him because his self expression is now limited by the narrowmindedness of someone else. I guess though, since he's living in her house, she still has a right to tell him how to live. I regret that she's not more open minded about it though because all it's doing is driving a wedge between them that doesn't HAVE to be there.

But whatever, he's not my son or I'd let him have whatever color hair he wanted, as long as he was happy with it. But that's just me... I guess I'm the 'bad' parent in her book.

Whatever!

DragonLady