Absolutely TERRIFIED!!!!

Ever seen a spider so big that you seriously thought that it could eat a small bird?

I can HONESTLY say that I have now seen one. And to beat it all, it was SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BATHTUB!! NO, I am NOT kidding. I don't know where the thing came from and I don't care as long as the portal that brought Spiderzilla to this planet closed behind it!

Now don't get me wrong, regardless of how afraid of spiders you are, if you live anywhere in a rural area, you have to deal with them. Especially when the weather starts to cool off and they start looking for warmer places (usually inside the house) to spin a web to spend the winter in. I am absolutely terrified of the smallest of spiders. I can handle snakes (literally) and worms and things that are slimy and it doesn't bother me, but if it has six legs or more and skitters around making me THINK it's a spider... uh uh... no way... not this chick... watch my dust, I'm outta here! And if you're in my way, you're either going with me or moving real quick out of my way before I run you down. I've been known to mow down a 6'3" man built like a brick ... well, you know what I mean. I'm not sticking around to conversate with it!

Anyway, back to my unwelcome bathroom guest. To say that this was a big spider is an understatement, and I'm not just talking from fear here. I have seen wolf spiders who's legs can span a 4" door jamb with ease in the house. Yes, they scare the crap out of me. But this one... I swear it was the genetic mutation of one of those! Someone gave it some damn growth hormones or something. Maybe it ate a pesticide treated tomato or two... I don't know, but it had to span at LEAST 6 inches from leg tip to leg tip and that wasn't with it laying flat on its underside like they do when they're resting.

Yes, I know a little about arachnids. I always think it best to know your enemy as well as you can just in case they try some of their tricks to sneak up on you. and after learning about them, I like them even less. Some have eight eyes! One for each leg and THAT, my friends, is just unnatural! It ain't right!

Anyway, I was going to dye my hair to cover up the grey. Yeah, that nasty thing us older women have to deal with every six weeks or so, lol. Thank GOD I hadn't opened the dye yet, when I pushed back the curtain or Mister Spiderzilla would have likely gotten dye, activator, conditioner and gloves for his own personal use.

Instead, I screamed! The neighbors heard me, but no one else did. One kid had her headphones on, hubby was alseep, the other one had her nose stuck in a book and the third prodigeny was sleeping the day away after a late night last night. NO ONE HEARD ME!

Now I've been told that my decible level is illegal in a lot of the European countries when I hit full volumn. At least that's what a dear friend from Belgium told me once.

And no one heard me....

It would do me no good to pull the one from her headphones, she's as afraid of spiders as I am, and that includes all things 'icky'. The sleeping one... well, if she slept through my scream, I can now see how she sleeps through her alarm clock and is perpetually late. Hubby? ditto.

So I go and tap on my reader's door. She didn't hear the scream, but she heard my tap?? (Maybe the scream was supersonic? I mean the dogs did bark! But no one heard THAT either!)

After convincing her that she needed a big pan to hit it with, or maybe the rolling pin from the kitchen so she could use it as a cudgel in case she missed with the frying pan, we made our way (her in front of course) to the bathroom where it lurked.

And it was gone... just like the damn RAT the other morning... Spiderzilla was no longer in my tub.

The only explanation I can come up with is that it must have went into the crack between the baseboard and my tub and went under the house.

I'm setting off bug bombs in and under my house tomorrow. Mister Spider, if you're listening, you'd better pack your shit and get out cause Mama's coming and she's not a happy camper!

Dragon Lady